hello wonder

that i can register for electronic music and metalworking classes in the fall and make all my high school dreams come true

is so far a year of crying, from happiness, from healing, from anger, from sadness, from frustration, from loneliness, from confusion, from nothing, from flower petals in my front yard, from laying in the grass, from hanging out with cool dogs, from fear of disappointing friends, from thinking about death, from thinking about olympia, from thinking about age and how old i feel and afraid of inevitable sickness and potential lack of health insurance, from shitty parties, from caring coworkers, from skateboarding, from killing plants, from tender roomates, from the sunshining through the cherry trees, from unexpected gifts, from feeling my skills grow in printmaking, from short flings that never last, from old flings that never die, from missing my grandparents, from thinking about my ancestors, from looking at the portrait of my great aunts, from being surrounded by books i never have time to read, from looking out the windows at school and seeing the evergreens, from thinking about changing my name, from sadness at climate change, i could go on forever. 

i barely remember crying at all last year

i probably should do it even if i don’t know them that well

and especially if they smile at me in that sort of way

that there actually is a limit to how much i can do in a day/week/month

and that when i break that limit for several weeks

i end up breaking committments, feeling physically ill, and not having time for friends. 

it is weird how long it has taken

for this to sink in

i feel like it is still sinking in

angry-poems:

this month’s horoscopes

TAURUS: dirt
GEMINI: ether
CANCER: paper
LEO: hair
VIRGO: milk
LIBRA: blood
SCORPIO: cement
SAGITTARIUS: meat
CAPRICORN: grass
AQUARIUS: marrow
PISCES: whiskey
ARIES: bone

(via ponys)

now time for bed

ok i just sent like three awkward messages that made no attempt to hide my weird sense of humor freaky personality and desire to dance to darkwave goth music.  LETS SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

by new found glory pretty much sums up how i feel right now at 12:46 May 2nd 2013

“Dressed To Kill”

I know it’s hard for you
To understand what I’m going through
But now I sit here to remind myself
You’re always dressed to kill
And you feel like you owe it to the world
But you owe it to yourself
And you’re, you’re not here
And I can’t stop pretending
That you’re forever mine…
And I
I can’t dream anymore since you left
I miss you singing me to sleep
I can’t wake anymore in your arms
I miss you singing me to sleep
Cheer up my friends all say
You’re better alone anyways
But you’re always on tour
And you’re never home
I’m always dressed to kill
And I feel like I owe it to the world
But I owe it to myself
And you’re, you’re not here
And I can’t stop pretending
That you’re forever mine…
And I
I can’t dream anymore since you left
I miss you singing me to sleep
I can’t wake anymore in your arms
I miss you singing me to sleep
Cheer up my friends all say…
And I can’t stop pretending
That you’re forever mine
You’re better alone anyways
And you’re not here, not here
I can’t dream anymore since you left
I miss you singing me to sleep
I can’t wake anymore in your arms
I miss you singing me to sleep
Cheer up my friends all say…